Becoming Katy Cambridge

Another beautiful day in Cornwall! And being forced into staying at home to wait for a wedding gift delivery from Abe's Grandad Robin, has given me the perfect opportunity to sit and write. And I have needed this self-therapy for a few weeks.
So, here I sit, in the shed, looking out the window over the piles of clutter that are obscuring the view; washing hanging on the line: his and hers. Fairy lights dangling: an addition to the garden that we purchased together. Plant pots filled with growing vegetables: there to feed us.
Being engaged has been a two year, long process. A process involving positive and negative experiences that come like the waves of the great blue sea. Quite often, I would listen to other people's conversations who had found themselves in the waiting line to becoming married. A common theme of discussion seems to be:

"Will this change anything?"

At first, I thought "Not a lot, no."

Then I thought "Perhaps a little, yes."

And then, today, whilst going through online articles to suss out whether having anxieties and cold feet before getting married is normal (it, apparently is), I realised that:

"Actually, this changes quite a lot."

A fundamental issue that had been bubbling up behind a cupboard door was the idea of leaving my past behind.

*SWOOOOSH*

A gust of wind has blown that door right open!

Leaving the little girl, who loved climbing trees, playing with her dog, fighting with her brothers, needing her Mummy and Daddy behind is the issue that has bubbled out of the cupboard door and is now resting on the carpet in front of me.

Becoming a wife, for me, means just that. Leaving my history at bay and beginning a new journey with a new person - that person becoming my family. Of course, I know that I will be able to be with my family and be part of my family whenever I want to be. But marriage is something else: it is signing up to being the one who supports another, to being responsible, to becoming a duo rather than a singular or as part of a pack. And, dare I say it, it is preparation for creating a loving space to raise a family.

I have gathered a large cloth and am beginning to mop up the issue from the carpet and ring it out in a bucket.

"Katy Port, is going to become Katy Cambridge." I tell myself.


Becoming Katy Cambridge means a world of new opportunities, of new love...

and it means acceptance of leaving behind Katy Port. 

Still an element of question at the unknown, this isn't an issue that can be completely mopped up in the writings of one session. It is all part of the epic journey of life.

Parachute Silk: Portholes

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Beloved C

Once again, she has landed. Feet, almost firmly placed on the floor under the table she sits at. It is decorated with a Guatemalan table cloth, rich with wild bright colours ranging from pulsating plum to orgasmic orange. To her right, a column of dangling Indian elephants with a bell at the bottom that gives off a sound much like the bells worn by the cows she had seen and met in India. Next to that, a picture frame which is filled with memories from her adventures with her fiancé. A fiancé who is overseas enjoying his own adventure: a life away from the rat race. A Tamil 'Om' sticker on the window to the left, golden in the Cornish winter sunlight is a reminder of her own journey to discover and experience. An easy wipe kitchen cover with map of the world is used by the cat as a place to sit as she stares out of the window and watches as the seagulls attempt to dive bomb exposed bin bags. Behind her, a series of postcards bought with love but never sent. A reminder of the people that fill her heart with joy and how she must do all she can to show them they are treasured. Pictures on the front of Koalas, kangaroos, stunning sun sets and sea life. Australia is the place she had just returned from. And now, after a year dotting herself around the planet, she finds herself, once again, in her little white shed at the top of a hill in her little Cornish town. She looks up and reminisces with a smile. On the wall in front of her: a black and white picture of her and her very good friend Carmel from years back on a back packing holiday in France- memories of a care-free existence where fun was the main objective. Their first time away together. Bags, well over 20kg weighed them down, two budget tents and a twinkle in their eyes. They were just beginning a life of their own. From school, to college, to university to here. This is where they found themselves unknowing of what the world truly had to offer them. This is where life began: the first steps of exploration.
Four years on from then and the girls - now women holding on to their childhood, met again in Australia and warmed themselves in the flame that has been keeping their friendship going for so long. Fun and enjoyment in discovering their connection again was the focus. There were more stories to share, more lessons that had been learnt, a better understanding of the world around them and themselves and a yearning to do more, see more, learn more, be more. Who knows where these two will find each other in years to come, who they will be, what they will love. What is known, is that when they do, they will dance in the same flame and keep each other warm until the next encounter
A life is ahead of them that will weave its way over this beautiful planet. A life where they are not restricted by anything at all but instead embrace the opportunities that are given to them: chances to learn, love, develop, grow.
How lucky they are.

To my beautiful C. Thank you for being a constant shining star and taking up residence in my heart box. Here's to our future adventures.